Every day I tell my girls they are beautiful, that I believe in them and that they can do anything they set their mind to. Every day I try and bring their self confidence up, to help them see themselves as the amazing people they are. It is so hard though, to teach self confidence, when you have such a small amount for yourself.
It is like trying to teach someone how to make cheese sauce when you have only seen the prep work done and never made it yourself. A rather difficult challenge for sure. How are you supposed to accomplish such a crazy feat?
By telling them exactly what you wish someone had said to you growing up and telling YOURSELF you are beautiful.
Say it when people aren't looking, say it when they are. Make yourself believe it.
I am going to admit something, something that has been plaguing me since I had children. I feel like a failure.
A complete and utter failure.
I love my children with all my heart and soul but I feel like I can never do anything right with them. I did all the research before they were born, decided to breastfeed, cloth diaper and co-sleep. Yet I do one thing so often and I want to stop but I just can't: I yell.
This yelling has been happening for a while now and it seems I am stuck in a yelling rut that I just can't get out of. I see how it hurts my girls, I have seen how they are both starting to just yell at me instead of properly communicating. The yelling stresses me out, which in turn makes me yell even more. And then I end up getting to the point where all I want to do is have some time away from my girls. AND THEN I feel even worse because moms aren't supposed to feel that way. Moms are supposed to be perfect, never get frazzled.
I try and do my best but I still feel like Im failing. Im failing my girls, and I fear that when they are older and they look back on their childhood they only remember the yelling, and the stress. Will they remember the good times? Will they know how much I love them and that Im doing the best I can?
What will they remember?...
I have been searching for a style to call my own. Growing up I always wore what was on sale, as tends to happen when you have 5 siblings, or hand-me-downs from my mom. It has been hard to figure out who I am in clothes form.
The style I love the most and am just starting to get into and own is the updated vintage style dresses. Much like the outfits Amy Adams wore in The Muppets. It is now just a matter of finding something that looks good on me.
With breastfeeding my boobs have become gigantic and it seems most clothing doesn't want to fit both my body and my boobs. I am a M in body and XL in boobs size...all dresses look so goofy.
For my birthday I purchased myself a few of these vintage style dresses, one is a mint green, the other a beige. Both fall just above the knee, do up quite a bit up the chest and have "collars" like on dress shirts, and are quite flowy. I love them but wish I had been able to fit my chest into a smaller dress, and even in a large (the biggest available) the buttons on my chest are ready to burst!
But Im happy I can look relatively cute this summer!
I absolutely love spring and fall. I'm not sure if it's because of the perfect temperature, the amazing colours or the smell in the air but I can't help but smile at this time of the year.
To bring a little bit of the outside in I have been slowly collecting indoor plants (whether bought at the store or cuttings I'm getting to root). I have planted some sunflowers and can't wait for them to bloom out on our deck. But as of right now they are bathing in sunlight in my kitchen as tiny little sprouts. The weather has been nasty lately and I fear they won't survive a hailing, freezing night outside quite yet.
Another good thing about spring is my birthday, which was only yesterday! I am officially 24 now and loving my life and family. It's great to be young and have such an amazing little family.
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| The view from our bedroom window |
